2023 NFL Season Preview: AFC

They probably won’t have a guy nearly die on the field again.

All the talent on the roster will really force the Bills to struggle to get blown out in the playoffs.

346,192.

Another division title will propel the Bills into the upper echelon of NFL teams who just can’t get it done.

While the secondary lacks top-tier talent, several of the cornerbacks were able to watch game film and identify which plays were passes.

Quarterback Tua Tagovailoa apparently did jiujitsu training this offseason to learn how to get sacked better, if that gives you an idea of where this team is at.

Hard Rock Stadium.

Jalen Ramsey’s season-ending injury won’t sink the Dolphins hopes the way Tua Tagovailoa’s upcoming one will.

The newly signed JuJu Smith-Schuster and Ezekiel Elliott could be huge upgrades to the offense if they end up playing quarterback.

One sad old man clinging to faded glory is still the biggest upside this franchise has.

810.

The kind of season that will make Patriots fans act like they haven’t won a championship since 1899.

Aaron Rodgers’ arrival has the Jets poised for an entirely new era of dysfunction.

Aaron Rodgers didn’t bring enough magic crystals.

Aaron Rodgers will bring the Jets to the dazzling heights of repeatedly failing to convert third and short.

The Jets are getting plenty of Super Bowl hype from people who apparently just became acquainted with the sport of American football in 2023.

Russell Wilson isn’t as marketable as he once was, which might force him to focus on being good at football again.

The money and trades to acquire both Wilson last year and Sean Payton this year have left the Broncos with only six other players on their roster.

Quarterback Russell Wilson spent training camp constantly pressuring defensive players to buy his football-shaped bread.

Russell Wilson gets divorced.

Very good at generating viral content for NFL.com and its social media platforms.

The allure of the Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art and the Power and Light District continues to be potent distraction for Kansas City players.

Ketchup, yellow mustard, apple cider vinegar, Worcestershire sauce, lemon juice, molasses, honey, hot sauce, dark brown sugar, onion and garlic powder, chili powder, and lemon juice.

Jackson Mahomes is arrested in November after hitting someone with his car and fleeing the scene.

New quarterback Jimmy Garoppolo provides the team with one entire healthy foot.

Professional football.

Popcorn vendor Javier Marin at the section 203 Silver Rush stand could bring some much needed energy and youth to the franchise.

We know “bad” isn’t really much of a prediction, but how else would you put it?

The Chargers looked great en route to building a 27-0 lead in their January playoff game against the Jaguars.

Head coach Brandon Staley risks the health of their roster by making them play in meaningless Chargers games.

The Chargers front office spent most of the offseason badgering the NFL to let teams add breasts to their logos for Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

The offense, defense, and special teams will misfire on all cylinders to help Brandon Staley lose his job.

One of the best in the league at alienating their star quarterback.

This generation of Ravens still lacks the toughness and willingness to commit homicide that made previous teams Super Bowl Champions.

Odell Beckham Jr. is here to prove he can’t stay healthy.

Lamar Jackson’s new offensive weapons will truly shine when helping the injured quarterback off the field.

Joe Burrow is a franchise QB, although unfortunately that franchise is Cincinnati.

Offensive line endlessly entertained by watching Joe Burrow frantically scramble for his life.

The coaches realized last week that they forgot to fill a whole position but for the life of them can’t remember which one.

The Bengals quit the NFL and rebrand as a luxury sportswear line.

Quarterback Deshaun Watson is back and ready for a full 16-game suspension.

Team overinvested draft capital and salary cap on criminals.

Yes.

Deshaun Watson will lead the NFL this season with a 10-to-15-year conviction.

Wideout George Pickens looks primed for a breakout campaign just as soon as he gets on a team with a good quarterback.

Second-year quarterback Kenny Pickett has a long way to go before he can replicate the impact of Ben Roethlisberger, having racked up zero rapes in his first season.

The Steelers are a young and hungry team, which is the coward’s way of saying “not that good yet.”

Terry Bradshaw blanks out on what team he used to play for on live television.

Get to play in NFL with real teams.

New head coach DeMeco Ryans could struggle to be white enough.

Will 86-year-old owner Janice McNair accidentally sell the team after being tricked by phone scammers?

New coach DeMeco Ryans is being described as a great “culture hire,” so you know he’ll be gone in two years.

Every once in a while Peyton Manning stops by the Colts’ facilities.

Really bad cat allergies.

Two plays.

Owner Jim Irsay strikes a splashy deadline deal for two ounces of pure Peruvian coke.

Trevor Lawrence is good enough to remind everyone watching that they were once that young and promising too, and somehow ended up like this.

QB Trevor Lawrence could struggle to focus on football and not his beautiful long hair.

Wideout Calvin Ridley can help school the team’s younger players in gambling strategies.

Trevor Lawrence will stay late at the Jaguars showering facilities working in the conditioner.

The team’s awful defense will help keep star running back Derrick Henry on the field.

Head coach Mike Vrabel’s terrifying nightly visits from Bill Belichick, who stands there staring through his bedroom window.

DeAndre Hopkins turned down other offers for the chance to work with the immortal Ryan Tannehill.

Titans coach Mike Vrabel will have this hard-hitting physical team ready for the playoffs with chicken wings, pizza, and large comfy couches.