While most trolls are primarily confined to the worst corners of the internet, some, like Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL), live to wreak havoc in the real world. The Onion asked trolls, shitposters, and internet provocateurs why they love the controversial congressman, and this is what they said.
“All the love I don’t give to my parents, siblings, wife, and children has to end up somewhere, right?”
“He’s an inspiration to anyone who’s ever dodged credible accusations.”
“People say all he does is obstruct, but he also erodes.”
“That little creep made me rich.”
“You can’t help but admire someone who wants to get absolutely nothing accomplished.”
“He’s an inspiration to anyone who feels like it would be fun to get lots of attention.”
“Most Republicans are too stuck up and cowardly to engage in sex trafficking.”
“I love how he totally owns the libs, the moderates, most conservatives, and anyone trying to functionally govern.”
“People hate him so much, they’ve completely forgotten about me.”
“He’s an inspiration to every 40-year-old single guy who dreams of sleeping with teenagers.”
“He’s that perfect mix of doing nothing and fucking everything up.”
“We Holocaust deniers are a tight group!”
“It’s refreshing to find someone who doesn’t take the governance that touches every corner of our lives so seriously.”
“We have the same taste in girls.”
“He has the confidence and bravado to commit crimes that I only dream of.”
“My coworkers are also cool with me dating a high schooler.”
“Consequences don’t exist for either of us.”