PORTSMOUTH, NH—Insisting that she simply wanted to make him feel welcome during his three-day stay, local mom Debra Solander reportedly gave her 37-year-old son a grand tour of the snacks in the pantry while he was home for the weekend. “Let’s see here, we’ve got unsalted pretzels, tortillas, those pita chips—but I mostly bought those for your father,” said Solander, who majestically guided her middle-aged son through the nearly half-dozen snack foods, packaged nuts, and dried fruits that she picked up for him in anticipation of his visit. “Chex Mix; almonds; some hummus in the fridge. It’s all here if you want anything. Oops, and this is expired. Don’t eat that. Let me know if you just want me to fix you something, though. All right, kiddo? We like having you back here, that’s all.” At press time, Solander was excitedly pointing out a can of condensed milk to her son for seemingly unrelated reasons.