JERUSALEM—Noting that he had been feeling pretty down lately and this was just the pick-me-up he needed, Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu told reporters Tuesday that he didn’t know about them, but the tragic attack that killed Israelis couldn’t have come at a better time for him. “Personally, while I can’t speak for everyone, this senseless, violent, and disgusting attack that killed over 1,000 Israeli citizens, including women, children, and the elderly, is exactly what the doctor ordered,” said Netanyahu, adding that he was actually pretty grateful that the deadliest attack his country has faced since the Yom Kippur War over 50 years ago really took a lot of the heat off of him for a change. “Now, I’m not saying it was good or anything, but let’s just say that old Bibi needed a break after all those bribery and corruption charges, plus all that stuff about me dissolving the judicial system and attempting to consolidate power. But at this point, who even remembers all those moves I made to weaken checks and balances? I’m a wartime prime minister, baby. Let’s focus on death!” At press time, Netanyahu told reporters that the deadly attack against Israel also served as a somber reminder that life was too short to sit around and wait for someone else to go to war with Iran.