CHICAGO—With the season about to start, reporters at The Onion’s downtown offices stated Friday that this is our annual headline about hockey. So here you go, sources confirmed. The cultural presence of the National Hockey League basically requires us to do at least one headline about hockey each season, reporters from our sports desk explained, but hockey isn’t so important as to necessitate any additional headlines in a calendar year. This could reportedly change should something really interesting happen, in which case you might encounter a second headline from us about hockey, but it probably won’t, so most likely this is it. This is the one time this year that we invite you to think about the players skating, or the goalies, or whatever the award is for winning it all. If you’re interested in reading more of The Onion’s hockey coverage, we invite you to check back next year to read this exact same headline and story again. At press time, reports confirmed that everyone here at The Onion is glad that’s over with.